BAJA, MEXICO (AP) - Four days ago the La Paz Museum proudly unveiled a Salt Works Tractor as its latest historic acquisition. Museum curator Kino said of the "impressive machine" that "it mined white gold, an ancient Maya mineral which now helps bind our community's survival through the long hot seasons." Two days later the theft of that tractor was used to tear down the museum's iron doors providing access to its collection. An enormous pearl, made famous by John Steinbeck, was stolen.

Mr. Kino appeared shaken by the theft, while longtime college friend Karl Rove consoled him. Mr. Rove said he often "escapes" to this quiet town, coming here after a "vague 2012 election year misstep." While drowning their troubles in a game of Splash Cup Beer Pong, he said they "exchanged tall stories." As if repeating his 1970 college prank, Mr. Rove said he chanted "free beer, free food, girls and a good time for nothing" all while reaching for a 30 year old bottle of El Señorio Mezcal Tequila. Mr. Rove said "Kino's eyes sank." Hidden inside that bottle was an enormous pearl con gusano. As the Policía handcuffed Mr. Kino he was heard ranting "never trust that slimy worm."