COLD FUSION - In a joint press conference yesterday at a remote outpost near the crest of I-80, General Motors and the Sierra Club confirmed their cooperative venture using a technology discovered by Sierra Club activist Sol Foozle. "I had one of those chance innovations I often get while anointing the backcountry after a freeze-dried meal of Sierra Chicken. That night the hole glowed green."

On that outing was Sue Whitacre, daughter of GM's Chairman. "I knew the energy implications were huge, so I kept pestering daddy, and daddy finally caved in." What resulted was the discovery of puon-catalyzed cold fusion whereby human waste generates electricity. "I euphemistically call it dump & drive." The technology is now used in GM's new green Hummer.

Sierra Club president Carl Pope was elated by GM's new green movement. "Now I can drive American and I don't have to feel guilty while off-roading, and I even reduce my carbon footprint."

An upset Sara Palin wasn't convinced. "This is a bunch of crap, what happens with Alaska's oil, we'll starve." But Nancy Pelosi put it succinctly, "A chicken in every pot, a dump in every tank, America on the move."